How about dating a widower

12-May-2020 18:06

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If you are interested in establishing a romantic relationship with a man who has lost his wife, you will need to give him time and space to come to terms with his emotions.

Whether it takes weeks, months or years, a widower is the only one who will know when he is ready to date again.

A good number of Google searches bringing readers to this blog lately have been searching for proof that their widower boyfriend loves them. Or are you engaging in the centuries old female pastime of reading between a man’s lines like they were leaves at the bottom of a tea-cup? My advice, and it’s hardly revolutionary, is simply ask. Although I have been told – by widowed folk – that sex just happens because of the loneliness and pain of loss. A widowed man who comes a courting, regardless of where he is in the mythical grief process, is perfectly able to deal with the fallout, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Why they are searching the Internet for the answer to a question that only their widower can provide, I hesitate to guess though I bet I could. Cher would tell you it’s in his kiss, but it’s in his actions. With men (and women too really, the whole “Venus and Mars” thing is mostly based on stereotypical crap), words will only take a person so far if there is nothing concrete to back them up. And no, it’s not pushy or stalkerish or demanding to ask some very basic questions of the guy you are in all probability getting naked with on a regular basis*. Cut no man (or woman) slack because they’ve been widowed. The ones that people use because they know they’ll work.

But if you are here because you are still not sure – and you don’t believe me – then ask him how he feels and what’s going on.

I just read your book “Why He Disappeared” and really appreciated the great info.

Beginning a new relationship with a man who has lost his wife might seem overwhelming, as it can present a fresh set of dating challenges and questions of proper etiquette.

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My question is this – does this apply to widowers as well or is it fair to give him a little more time and just get busy with other things so I don’t put pressure on him?

In addition to letting the widower initiate the date request, you should also set a slow pace for the relationship, both physically and emotionally.