Internet dating men who disappear
to cheat, but I don't understand why they actually follow through. And the best option — not to cheat — is always on the table. Even people who generally believe cheating is wrong will come up with ways to justify their actions.It never ends well for anyone involved — whether you're the one being cheated on, the one who's cheating, or the person someone is using to cheat. It's not like there's a person pointing a gun to your head and telling you that if you don't cheat on the person you love, you'll die. Likewise, the reasons people have for cheating always vary.French journalist Léna Mauger learned of it in 2008, and spent the next five years reporting a story she and collaborator Stéphane Remael couldn’t believe. When people disappear, they know they can find a way to survive.” These lost souls, it turns out, live in lost cities of their own making.The city of Sanya, as Mauger writes, isn’t located on any map. It’s a slum within Tokyo, one whose name has been erased by authorities. He’d been cheating on his wife, but his true disgrace was losing his job as an engineer.What work can be found here is run by the yakuza — the Japanese mafia — or employers looking for cheap, off-the-books labor. Too ashamed to tell his family, Norihiro initially kept up appearances: He’d get up early each weekday, put on his suit and tie, grab his briefcase and kiss his wife goodbye.The evaporated live in tiny, squalid hotel rooms, often without internet or private toilets. Then he’d drive to his former office building and spend the entire workday sitting in his car — not eating, not calling anyone. The fear that his true situation would be discovered was unbearable. “After 19 hours I was still waiting, because I used to go out for drinks with my bosses and colleagues.
He and his wife, Tomoko, lived among the cherry blossoms in Saitama, a prosperous city just outside of Tokyo. They owned their house, and took out a loan to open a dumpling restaurant. They are the architects of their own disappearances, banishing themselves over indignities large and small: divorce, debt, job loss, failing an exam.
Avoidance is the main coping strategy for the discomfort associated with anxiety, and what is more anxiety-inducing than rejecting someone? "Looking back, I really loved this girl and things were perfect, but I honestly was not in a place where I could let myself fall into another relationship."For other men—and let's be honest, plenty of women—the disappearing act is a regular habit.
"I decided to go right to the source and ask guys who have gone MIA what the heck happened. "There have been many instances in which I've met someone—almost always via online dating—and had two, three, or more dates, all fine and fun, and then I just dropped off the map," says Louis, 34.
When Bill* and I first started dating, I had no doubt he was interested in me.
We would text first thing in the morning and talk all day about everything and nothing, and often I would send him a text right before I went to sleep, and the first thing I saw on my phone the next morning was a message from him.Not to say that plenty of women don't cheat — because they most certainly do — just that men do it more often.