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02-Nov-2019 13:38
If a scene could sum up some of my first thoughts after my husband died last year at age 28, it would be the scene in the hit BET series “Being Mary Jane,” when Robinne Lee’s character, Avery, lifts up her shirt exposing her stomach full of stretch marks. She had two kids and the body to prove it, and reentering the dating scene seemed too much to handle.
Avery had just found out her husband had cheated, and was wrestling with the decision whether to leave or stay.
When my mother’s long-term boyfriend passed away, I was worried that she might be wary of taking another chance on romance.
So when I learned that she’d rekindled an old flame and had fallen in love again, I felt relieved.
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The connection with a new person helps diminish your loss and pain in a very substantial way.The question comes up a lot among widowed and those who are interested in dating them – how soon after the death of a spouse is it considered appropriate to begin dating/or pursuing? Other widowed people like to trot out the tired cliché – It’s such a circular and unhelpful answer that I’d like to ban the phrase from the grief lexicon because given the minefield of rules and expectations surrounding widowhood, asking is the only way to clarify whether the signals you are receiving from your peers, family and friends are about your welfare or their self-interest. Scarlett knew the rules on widowed decorum because society at that time spelled it out. It may have sucked, but everyone was clear on the time frame and waited (while perhaps discreetly lining up suitors for once the deadline had passed). Younger widowed date and remarry sooner, and at higher rates, than older ones.
